I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
