The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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