You really coming over, don't trick.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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