you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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