Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
