Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
