so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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