WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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