Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
