im drinking this country out of the recession.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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