I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
