Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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