i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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