You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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