Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
