A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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