Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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