you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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