a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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