Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We're using joints as your birthday candles
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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