I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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