I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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