He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
