ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
