If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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