Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You took a bar mat shot.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
