I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How external is "for external use only"?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
