Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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