He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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