4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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