Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
