but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
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Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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