Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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