Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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