im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
