My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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