All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
