you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
