theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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