Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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