You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You ruined the universe
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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