theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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