This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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