Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
