He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
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