ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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