Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
