I feel like abortions should bother me more
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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