I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
