I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
