The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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