He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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