Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So much rum. So many feels.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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