i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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