I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
