he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
