i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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