Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
