the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
