I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
