lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
