in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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