Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
