Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
