Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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