Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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