Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
