Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
