I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
