if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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